It’s 2am, and my two year old daughter is pissed, and I mean pissed that her demands aren’t being met, her high pitched screaming tantrum has  lasted  34 minutes and counting.  To cope, I do a lot of swearing under my breath while trying to look unaffected. Somewhere between rolling my eyes, wanting to toss her out the window, and thinking about giving in, I notice some incredibly bright lights shining into her bedroom window. I look outside and there are five (FIVE!) police men and women standing with flashlights upturned to our 3rd floor apartment. I guess throwing the kid out the window has just been stricken from the list of possibilities.

They ask me, “Are you the lady with the baby?”.

I say “Yes”

They say, “Is everything ok?”

I say, “Yes, she’s fine, she’s angry she can’t watch Dora right now.”

They chuckle and tell me that they got a call from someone in the neighborhood before they turn their flashlights south and gingerly walk around piles of dog poo some jerk dog owner keeps leaving in our side yard.

Miraculously, my husband sleeps through all of this.

(ps. this photo is not from last night, I didn’t take pictures, this photo is straight out of toothless militias r-us, the flashlight pictured also shoots a steady stream of pepper spray)

3 replies
  1. Cathy Brooks
    Cathy Brooks says:

    So the question I have is … where can *I* get a flashlight that squirts pepper spray?

  2. Melissa Pierce
    Melissa Pierce says:

    I put a link to Amazon so that you could get one, but it’s not even in stock, apparently the toothless militia’s have already made a run on them.

  3. Rachel Boatright DeVault
    Rachel Boatright DeVault says:

    Oh man. I know it’s warped, but it makes me really happy to hear that your 2-year-old has an incredible temper, too.

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Warning: Undefined array key "rerror" in /home/melipie2/public_html/wp-content/plugins/wp-recaptcha/recaptcha.php on line 291

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.