photos of Melissa as different celebrities

Melissa with a variety of celebrity hairstyles

Isn’t it nice that one can try on a myriad styles, looks, & personas, without committing to any of them? For example, I’ve spent a good part of a day engrossed in “trying on” virtual hairstyles, lipstick colors, and eye shadows without having to even make an appointment. (thanks  e.l.f cosmetics’ virtual makeover).   Who knew that I’d look so good with Janet Jackson’s tall curly hair, or so bad with Jann Carl’s 80s rock boy hair? I’m  glad that I can find people and ideas in this world that I can imitate when I have no idea what I want, that I don’t have to be the same ole person I’ve always been,  glad that trying things doesn’t mean I have to stick with them if they just aren’t “me”.  Thankfully, authenticity isn’t a permanent thing, it is more of a fluid changeable truth, which is good news for me, because I’d hate to have made the mistake of getting Jann Carl’s hair and look like Jon Bon Jovi for the rest of my life.

Micah Baldwin

“Quickly it hit me. I derive my drive from an intense desire to HAVE a greatest moment. I am comforted by knowing that my greatest moment is still out there.” ~ Micah Baldwin

The above quote is from an amazing blog post my friend Micah wrote a few days ago

When I grow up… or, more correctly when my kids sleep through the night and leave me alone for more than 10 minutes at a time, I hope to have epiphanies quickly hit me like Micah’s did. Until then, I’m ok with having them slowly wash over my sleep deprived, half firing, half functioning neural pathways. My wheels have been turning about what he wrote, albeit in the halting succession of starts and stops allotted for reflection while child rearing.

Like Micah, I have also asked myself, “Have I had my greatest moment yet?” I can’t definitively pin point a standout moment that would be defined as my “greatest moment ever”. I can name a few moments that were spectacular such as the birth of my children, (just kidding, having a child drop out of a burning ring of fire is NOT a great moment. The relief of both mother and child living through it IS, but the former is not that great.)

Just maybe though, as I sit here and drink my coffee, splitting my attention between this post, my 4yr old explaining how he has just been electrocuted after crossing his arms really hard, my 2yr old putting super hero stickers on the hardwood floor, and the looming deadline of the premiere of Life In Perpetual Beta, just maybe I’ve wrapped my slow head around it. It strikes me that as long as I keep moving forward and keep striving to be better, then maybe my greatest moment is this one.

Just maybe… this distracted, slow thinking, wonder filled few seconds IS my greatest moment ever, and the next moment… it’s going to be the best thing that ever happened to me too.

I don’t think that the question of authenticity online is the right question.

I think it’s a silly question.

Not quite sure yet what the REAL question is, but this battle about the authentic is the wrong battle.

My friend and I have this theory that goes something like this: You date/marry someone who is better than you in some way. Not all ways, just some. People don’t marry their equals. There is no equality in relationships.  I’m fairly sure it would be a pretty boring life to marry your exact equal. The whole equal partnership idea is a sham.

Think about it, what qualities do you admire in your mate?  I admire my husbands ability to quietly navigate social situations, his ability to objectively see problems and their solutions, and his warped sense of humor, All of them not things that I possess. OK, my humor IS warped in many ways, but just different ways than Cole.

This coupling with your “better half” (I really hate that term) becomes a wonderful thing of course, a compliment to your skill set or a benchmark to help better yourself.  Except when it doesn’t. These same traits that we are with them for, the ones we admire, the ones we don’t possess or only possess to a lesser degree. These traits are the ones that infuriate us when they fall below the high bar we have set for our mate regardless if we could have reached it or not.

Is it right to hold our mates up to these double standards? Probably not. But how many of us recognize that it’s exactly what we are doing? Guess that equality is a tough one. It’s just a theory, but I think that we’re onto something.

What do you think about that?