Why Has God Forsaken My Hiney

chicken littleThis is no joke. My ass is indeed flattening at the same rate my thighs expand, leading me to believe that the fat of my backside has been ever so slowly pouring itself into my thighs. It’s amazing, it’s astounding, it’s AWESOME …Could God be testing or preparing me for something (for what I wonder? Am I to invent an unbelievably comfortable church pew? WTF God?). I may have traded my ass fat in a deal with the devil one drunken night in Souix Falls, IA,  for another ride on the mechanical bull, but I can’t imagine for what.

Regardless of fault, whether it be in omnipresent deities, or *gasp*, it was me and my love of  cupcakes, Chicago dogs and lazy Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays… I’m really pissed about it. The nerve of God/The Devil/Cupcakes/Gravity to pull such a stunt. WTF?  Who ever heard of asses that melt down into a person’s thighs? How did two pounds of my beloved lard creep down without notice? I’m interested in reversing the flow of fatty tissue, but outside of the BRAZILLIAN BUTT LIFT or anti gravity gurdle, I cannot find much information about how to put the fat back where it should be.  Is there such thing as a daily exercise regime geared towards adding more cushion to my tailbone? Do you know?

8 replies
« Older Comments
  1. Sonia Acosta
    Sonia Acosta says:

    Well, I’m glad I’m not the only one with this problem! My butt fat, in addition to becoming pancake batter and pouring itself downwards, has also created the oh-so-dreaded saddlebags. I’ve decided to join the indefatigable group of morning spinners at my local gym and I’m here to report my findings. It works! Mind you, I still have a ways to go. But I can see that my butt has earned it’s name again, is looking perkier, and there’s only a small out of shape lump that needs to make it’s way back up to it’s location. But the saddlebags…short of laser liposuction, I’m not sure what to do about them…

  2. hugh
    hugh says:

    you people are nuts! lol!!

  3. Jazz
    Jazz says:

    Here’s an exercise you can do at home that will help: Stand in front of a hard surfaced chair (a metal folding chair would be ideal). Step up on the seat with one foot then with the other, then step off and repeat until you are exhausted. Having gobs of sex will also help. Good Luck!

« Older Comments

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *