Posts

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Dude, You Spilled Haterade all Over My Vagina!

Today friends, we’re going to deconstruct one of my favorite hate mails.

“What?” You ask, “You Melissa, get hate mail?”
Oh yes, dear reader, I do indeed get hate mail, at least one a week, as do most of the men and women I know who are public about their life in any way. The hate mail I receive usually has to do with me having a vagina, and a family, and a career… because Lord knows you can’t have all three. Read more

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ADD plus children plus blogging equals diddly squat.

If you wonder why I don’t post often, you are not a stay at home unschooling mother of two preschoolers and one surly teenage boy.

In between the hours of 7am and 9pm I do not usually have the luxury of going to the bathroom by myself, much less the time to think complete thoughts. In fact, in just the time it took to write these few sentences I have been interrupted for the following:

1. Teenage son comes into my office and asks if I’d like to buy a clone for the bargain price of $1400 dollars. He may or may not have created said clone with in his makeshift laboratory. He knows I’m trying to work, and comes in just to annoy me, I’m sure of it. Also, he knows I don’t have $1400 for is silly science projects, so I don’t even know why he’s asking, probably just to annoy me.

2. My two year old wanted me to wipe her bum, also she wanted to brush her teeth while still on the pot. Her high pitched screams pierce the air at a furious pace for a good 5 minutes to express her displeasure at my unwillingness to simultaneously wipe her tiny arse and put Wall-e toothpaste on her sparky pink toothbrush.

3. My four year old tried to climb his bookshelf and attempted to leap onto his bed. He insists he wasn’t climbing, oh no, he was “scrinching” to the top – which clearly is not climbing, as he would never climb the bookshelf, that’s dangerous and against the rules.

4. What was I talking about?