This is not something I would have chosen to write about but circumstances are unfolding in a way that makes it necessary for the truth to come out, and I”d rather you heard it from me. I have had and continue to have a lot of great opportunities, and a lot of people have placed a great deal of faith in me, and I would hate for that to be trust to be tarnished in any way, this is by far one of the hardest things I”ve written about in my life.
In the Big Time
18 months ago, I began working as the community manager for a website called Biglife.ws. In theory, the site was a great idea, hundreds of coaches specializing in very specific niches attracting clients that were interested in that particular niche of personal growth. In practice however, it was quite a production to get the site functioning and teach the coaches about the importance of digital literacy. (I didn”t learn the terms community manager and digital literacy until much later, at the time I was “just helping out”)
In time, my work at Biglife was so valued that I was given part ownership. In fact, Victory Darwin, the site administrator, was so impressed with my passion for empowering the coaches, that soon he and I were working on several projects together, one of which was Life In Perpetual Beta, only not in the form that most of you know it, in fact, the film didn”t even have a name then.
The film that Victory and I intended to make was primarily to highlight the coaches on our site, I would create original content, and he would sell interactive spots to life coaches. One could watch the movie and click within it to reveal some interactive element involving steps on how to achieve said mode of thinking the core content made mention of. Victory had some success selling the spots, although truth be told, I think the concept was a little too technologically advanced for most of the coaches we contacted – that and none of them had heard of paying to be in a film before, but Victory persevered.
Around the same time, Victory convinced me that we should do some consulting together, or as he put it: “Melissa, you be the heart, and I”ll be the brains”. I hoped to learn a lot about marketing and was thrilled Victory was willing to teach me ( and boy did I ever learn). My coaching practice, Think Without The Box Coaching became Think Without The Box Coaching and Consulting and we landed our first client right out of the gate. In no time I received the biggest single check I”d ever received in my life, $10,000 made out to Think Without The Box Coaching and Consulting (Sole Proprietor – Melissa Pierce). I was in the big time, or so I thought.
Face Plant from 100 Miles Up
I”m not sure which of these things happened first, but the cumulative effect pretty much was a face first dive at 100mph firmly tied to all Victory’’s loose strings.
- Victory started changing the marketing plan of our film on the fly while talking to prospects, sometimes promising headlining interviews, taking their money, and then telling me we could change it later “marketers do it all the time” (Note, I still stupidly accepted the money in my paypal account, always sending him his half).
- Think Without The Box Coaching and Consulting was “all heart – no brains”, half way into our first project, Victory disappeared, said he couldn”t work with our client, didn”t do the work that he said he would do, and incredibly enough, did work that our client asked him not to do. I, had no idea what to do, I ended up calling my vendors for advice.
- Lastly and most importantly, I kept filming. I realized there was no way the film I intended to make and the film I was currently making were the same film, this last realization was probably the only good thing to come out of this whole ordeal with Victory.
After Rock Bottom
My confidence was shattered, tucking my tail between my legs, I quietly quit as community manager at Biglife, warned the coaches, deleted my profile, my posts, and my videos all with the press of a button (This is why on LIPB there is no first Dan Pink video, it was hosted on Biglife).
My first and last big time client at Think Without The Box Coaching and Consulting and I settled on a fair amount of services received vs. services rendered that I have yet to repay. (If you think the rock bottom face plant hurt, try having a karmic and financial debt you can”t pay back follow you around).
What hurt the most though was closing my coaching practice, I just couldn”t concentrate on my clients” needs anymore. I had zero confidence, I was supposed to coach my clients to follow their gut instinct when clearly I had not been following my own.
I pressed on with my film alone, searching for answers as much about what was happening in society as what was happening in me. (That’’s when you guys came to my rescue, encouraging me to keep going, thanks for that.)
A few months later I got a flurry of phone calls and emails informing me Victory Darwin had committed suicide. The entire Biglife community was in mourning. I somehow tracked down his dad, and amazingly enough, Victory was alive and well. Turns out, “Victory” was one of many online pseudonyms he”d used and killed off when his online persona was no longer believable, or when he was looking for publicity. I know it’’s going to be hard for you to believe, but it was in that moment, even though I had cut off all ties with him months before, that my heart truly broke, and I saw Victory for the first time for the scoundrel he was. Certainly I”m not the only person who has sullied their reputation and injured their pride by associating with Victory, I know I”m not the only person who didn”t want to talk about it. I”m sure he’’s still out there, online, scamming some other sucker who, like me, will be too ashamed to admit she”d been had.
Why Now?
I”ve been getting angry hateful emails, blog comments, and phone calls for the last several months from people who were scammed, just like me, by Victory. And while I understand there is a price I have to pay for playing a game that I inherently knew I couldn”t win, I draw the line at threats and harassment. I”m putting this out in the open in the hopes of ending the harassment against me, helping other people in this situation and moving towards closure. I”m sharing this now because I finally have enough confidence in myself and my ability to move past it that I know it won”t destroy me to admit that I screwed up and am, have been, will be paying for it for some time.
Although no one died (at least, not in the literal sense) it’’s with a heavy heart I write this post. Each time I sit down to type it out I feel completely powerless, embarrassed, and ashamed that I let it happen to me , after all, I am MRS. FOLLOW YOUR HEART, certainly I would have paid attention to said heart repeatedly beating out the steady warning signals of impending doom. In hindsight, there were a lot of red flags that I could have easily paid attention to, but I chose to ignore. And as much as it shames me to say, once in a while I don”t let my intuition lead, once in a while, I screw myself by ignoring the eureka of instinct just for the thrill of it, and this is a story about one of those times.
UPDATED POST 12/21/09 8:20pm - I received this email from Victory’’s personal email address two hours after I posted this, note that it’’s signed “Brent” – possibly another identity. (I originally included it in the comment, but was advised to include it in the posting)
hi Melissa,I was so disappointed to see your blog post about Victory.
Looks like you need a way out and this is the best you”ve got.
I still wanted to like you because you”re smart and funny and all, but this really destroys anything left that was good.
The lipb project is all yours. Own up to it. None of this has anything to do with Victory.
You made a lot of slanderous statements and outright lies that can be proved to the contrary.
I”ve downloaded the source code and the screen capture of the blog.
I”m going to make one last nice gesture.
Remove the names of the people and the websites and all the tags.
…actually, just delete the entire post. That story just makes you look bad. I don”t think you realize how most people would read it. Just one big lame ass excuse for your failure.
If you delete the post, then good…
If not, you”ve just created your worst enemy, and I”ll be happy to show you how effective I can be, both online and offline at settling debts.
It would simply be wrong of me to let this stand.
And as destructive as I will be, I”ll do it with love. I owe it to Victory.
love,
Brent
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It takes guts to put this out here for public consumption. You made some mistakes. That just proves you’re human. We’ve all been there, whether it was a business partner, a boyfriend, or a “friend” who turned out not to be trustworthy. These people are experts at stealing your confidence. That’s why they’re called “confidence men”! When the time is right, you’ll be able to pick up your business again where you left off, and this story will make a valuable addition to your film.
Melissa, thank you for sharing this with us. While I can’t imagine the pain and anguish this person caused you and your family, I’m glad that you’re standing up to him and airing the problems he created in your life. We all share some amount of culpability in our actions when they are tied to neerdowells, but I think that this full disclosure you have provided goes a long way in clearing your name in some of the more questionable activities. I’m sorry that you’re receiving threats and hate mail. There is nothing that can be accomplished through those, and I hope that the senders realize that. As for Victory, sooner than later, the truth will catch up with him and the truth will set you free, while hopefully incarcerating him. Keep at the project. Keep dreaming and keep pushing yourself!
Good article, Melissa.
We’ve learned recently from the Tiger Woods fiasco that Guilt By Association is going to be a major issue in 2010. The more people you’re connected to, the more likelihood there’s going to be of your being caught up in a scandal or at least being “The man next to the man”, like Tiger’s caddy, who’s certainly being accused right now of knowing what Tiger was doing this whole time.
Unfortunately, that’s the price of admission. There’s no way for us to tell what someone’s going to do until they do it so your two choices are to not be involved in the game at all or dive in and live through the peaks & valleys.
@Amy, Confidence men huh’. I wonder about that. When I cut off communication with Victory, it was one of the hardest moves of my life, I felt he’d become a friend, we had our own stupid jokes, our own secret society, our own “way”. I still have a hard time relegating the person that I knew with the facts that are out there. Maybe he was just making a lot of stupid mistakes too, maybe I have whatever form of Stockholm syndrome comes with working with crazy people.
I don’t think I’ll ever coach again though Amy, it just doesn’t feel good anymore.
@David, Thanks for your comment although I’m not sure the truth will ever catch up with that guy, or, that he will recognize it as such. I’d like to reiterate that I did this to myself, there were so many red flags, I should have paid attention to. While Victory was the catalyst for sure, I did it, my fate is my fault.
@Bill, Never thought I’d be part of a Tiger Woods analogy! I think you are right about something though, guilt by association is going to play big, very big in the months and years to come. The internet connects us all and it’s going to be a very hard lesson for people to learn, if they are going to be social, they need the be 100% aware and on point.
Just want to let you understand what I’m dealing with. I just got an email signed “Brent” from Victory’s old email address. I copy it in it’s entirety here.
hi Melissa,
I was so disappointed to see your blog post about Victory.
Looks like you need a way out and this is the best you’ve got.
I still wanted to like you because you’re smart and funny and all, but this really destroys anything left that was good.
The lipb project is all yours. Own up to it. None of this has anything to do with Victory.
You made a lot of slanderous statements and outright lies that can be proved to the contrary.
I’ve downloaded the source code and the screen capture of the blog.
I’m going to make one last nice gesture.
Remove the names of the people and the websites and all the tags.
…actually, just delete the entire post. That story just makes you look bad. I don’t think you realize how most people would read it. Just one big lame ass excuse for your failure.
If you delete the post, then good…
If not, you’ve just created your worst enemy, and I’ll be happy to show you how effective I can be, both online and offline at settling debts.
It would simply be wrong of me to let this stand.
And as destructive as I will be, I’ll do it with love. I owe it to Victory.
love,
Brent
Melissa: this guy sounds from that email above like a psycho, it’s a good thing that all of your interactions with him are electronically documented, like that email, so they will be discoverable in court if it comes to that!! Just don’t answer any phone calls from him, make him record it on voicemail or write it down so you have the record.
Hmm.. it seems like he need to be “outed” with his real name. I am assuming you know his name IRL? (Brent something?)
If he is adept at using aliases, this might not work, but it seems that others could learn from your experience to NOT trust this guy? When I read the name “Victory Darwin” I was like, WTF, is this a Second Life character?? At least he is not too talented at creating believable- sounding aliases!
Sorry you had to go through this.. I have been through similar circumstances and understand how EVERYBODY can get roped in by a sociopath. You aren’t the only one who fell for his scam.
I’m not a lawyer, but if you’ve got proof of what you’ve written and posted as true, then his claim of libel would require him to prove that the things are not true. But threats like “you’ve made your worst enemy” are the last resorts of cowards.
I’m really sorry to hear you and your reputation have had to go through all this, but you’re dealing with it the right way: with honesty and direct action. Everyone gets misled by bad people sometimes. Look at how many people got ruined by Bernie Madoff. Victims of cowardly con-men and criminals should never be ashamed. That’s how these guys prosper–by hiding behind the shame or embarrassment or fear of their victims.
Mondo kudo’s to you for this courageous post, girlfriend. Isn’t this what all of us want to hear and see when one of us (especially those of us in leadership or spotlight roles) drops the ball? And isn’t it the very thing that so few of us actually do – much less publicly! – when it’s our turn to come clean and make things as right as we can.
It’s brutally hard. Enormously gutsy. And not for the feight of heart. Interestingly, its where we tend to find out what kind of heart we actually have. My hat’s off to you. In fact, I’m waving said hat in the air right now.
BTW – glad you included Victory/Brent/whatever-his-name-is’s threat in response to this as post script (and Laurie’s right). Oddly (and entirely inadvertently, since its clear he over-estimated his capacity to intimidate you into silence), he just gave us all a nice juicy chunk of added emotional context that works very much in your favor.
Doesn’t seem to understand that the moment you no longer feel bound to keep the secret, his secrets become fair game by association (interesting how that table gets turned, ain’t it?).
I hope when he wrote, some of the burden of shame you’ve been carrying fell away. A healthy portion of it isn’t yours to deal with. You’ve walked – and continue to walk – towards responsible resolution. It’s clear he’s still running, and all the technological back-alleys and psuedo-name changes in the ‘verse won’t change that. It’ll just demonstrate it more starkly.
Makes me think of a great Tweet I ran across a couple of weeks ago (wish I could remember who said it…): ‘The truth will set you free. But first, it’ll piss you off.’
Melissa: get back to coaching my love, you are good at it! Hope your confidence is back, if not, I’ll help you find it!
Along with you, I got sucked in by “Victory”. I think Brent is another name for him. I did not get involved to the depth you did because “Victory” was very inconsistent and did not deliver what he promised.
I have enjoyed you and your thoughts since we first got hooked up, some good did come out of Big Life!! So lets let Victory go….a lesson learned!
luv Keith
I was in on some of those Skype conferences with you and Victory and have them fully documented and saved….should you ever need them and my testimony.
Victory claimed all over his postings that he learned at the feet of Trump maybe “the Donald” would be interested in your situation and be willing to help since I’m certain he wouldn’t be happy to have his name associated with a scam artist.
I think it’s good that you put the truth out there. Nothing scares a scam artist more that the truth – thus the threat from Brent (aka Victory, aka ???) You’re one tough cookie and you ended up going your own way and succeeding. There are tons of us out here who know you and your work and we all have your back.
Melissa, thanks for speaking out about what happened at BigLife. There are many of us who will support you in your recovery from your mistakes and in creating your brilliant work. In speaking with hundreds of entrepreneurs over the years and coaching many business owners, I have found that almost everyone made at least one big mistake (lost thousands/millions of dollars, bankruptcy, etc) in their career. Those who succeeded made that mistake a learning opportunity and were better for it. I am one of them!! I believe you are one of those who is succeeding and will continue to succeed because you learn from life and move forward.
You have done what you can to restore your integrity, while being honest about your experience and mistakes. That doesn’t appear to be true about the other player in this story, whether he is named Victory or Brent or any other name.
BigLife is slowly reincarnating, with new ownership and leadership. It too can recover, as you are. So I caution readers not to put onto the current BigLife the sins of it’s past.
Please be a little kinder to yourself. Use the team of people around you, including me, to help you find ways to recover, emotionally and financially. We are proud to be a part of your success
Thanks for the advice Laurie!
Emily, I really did believe in him, even when he kept messing up. I was rooting for him to fly right and fulfill his promises to everyone. Pretty sure Brent Goodman is a fake name too.
Me and my reputation are stronger for it, Andy, but it does suck. I’ll just be glad when I have the means to correct my part in it.
Lissa,
Love that quote, may get it tattooed on an undisclosed location right after the holidays! Thanks for your support sister.
Keith,
Thanks for your support Keith! I’ve learned a lot from your patience in the whole ordeal. Much love to you.
Melody, I may indeed need those notes. Thanks for thinking.
I’m so happy to hear Biglife is doing well Patricia, It really was such a good idea and I’m glad that someone took up the torch and is helping to make it work. Thanks for your support, and especially for reaching out to me after Victory’s suicide stunt on Easter, I know that was hard for you and I’m happy to have your friendship.
Good grief.
Melissa, I am proud to be related to you.
Victory Darwin sounds like the name a 5-year-old girl would give to her imaginary unicorn.
BTW–he threatened you with physical harm. That’s a crime. (Phill is kind of yelling this to me as I type it.)
I think this teaches a couple of important lessons:
don’t blindly trust someone you only know by their online persona. People will do all kinds of shady things when thy can hide behind an avatar.
Don’t go into business with someone you haven’t met and haven’t looked in the eyes.
Don’t go into business without a contract.
I’ve heard “you be the heart and I’ll be the brains”. from my old boss who built a $2 million company on my creative work and my ability to excite clients. Then shafted everyone of those clients and laid me off. Not to say that you need to run every facet of your venture, but you should have your fingers in every aspect of it so you know what’s going on.
Melissa,
You’ve made some mistakes that hopefully you’ve learned from. Put it behind you (except the lessons) and move on.
First off, I’d like to say that it takes a lot to put something like this out there, for everyone to see. You did the right thing.
And remember that, although you slipped and made a few mistakes, that is completely natural. You were scammed. The real source of the problem is Victory. And it is unfortunate that you had to go through this. Anyone could be in your same spot.
Moving on and upward is the right path. And it sound, and seems like, that is what you have already begun doing.
I came across your website’s post, as I was doing a Google for Victory Darwin. I remember getting an email over a year ago saying that he had committed suicide. I never believed it. In my entrepreneurial discussions with him, he always had an ‘angle’. He loved conspiracy theories, and always talked wanting to do something that tapped into that. There were no boundaries there.
I never believed he was dead. I also knew that he had legally changed his name at one point to ‘Victory Darwin’, because it was a good memorable marketing name. My gut instinct told me that this suicide was one of his conspiracy theories. I couldn’t find anything online at that time to say otherwise.
But today, he popped into my head, and I thought I’d do a Google to see if he was showing up somewhere.
Looks like he is still alive and well.