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This Would Have Never Happened Had We Used Birth Control In The First Place

4yr old bursts open our bedroom door, announces “I have to go poop!” in the loudest officialest voice he can muster… then… looking over in our direction asks, a little cautiously, “Papa, why do you have your penis in mama’s vulva?”

1: When do they stop announcing every bodily function?

2. What did you tell your kid when he/she burst in?

Why Has God Forsaken My Hiney

chicken littleThis is no joke. My ass is indeed flattening at the same rate my thighs expand, leading me to believe that the fat of my backside has been ever so slowly pouring itself into my thighs. It’s amazing, it’s astounding, it’s AWESOME …Could God be testing or preparing me for something (for what I wonder? Am I to invent an unbelievably comfortable church pew? WTF God?). I may have traded my ass fat in a deal with the devil one drunken night in Souix Falls, IA,  for another ride on the mechanical bull, but I can’t imagine for what.

Regardless of fault, whether it be in omnipresent deities, or *gasp*, it was me and my love of  cupcakes, Chicago dogs and lazy Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays… I’m really pissed about it. The nerve of God/The Devil/Cupcakes/Gravity to pull such a stunt. WTF?  Who ever heard of asses that melt down into a person’s thighs? How did two pounds of my beloved lard creep down without notice? I’m interested in reversing the flow of fatty tissue, but outside of the BRAZILLIAN BUTT LIFT or anti gravity gurdle, I cannot find much information about how to put the fat back where it should be.  Is there such thing as a daily exercise regime geared towards adding more cushion to my tailbone? Do you know?

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ELF Snazl Interview Online Party Party Party

While in New York for the 140 Conference recently, I had the chance to get interviewed by Ameeda Chowdhury, the CEO of a cool new social communications tool called SnazL.

My friend Lyndsay said it best: “Ameeda’s created a virtual living room called a “SnazL”, where folks can interact around content in real time- a sort of www campfire where you can chat, draw, and see what your friends are doing, all in synchronicity.”

My interview (part of a series leading up to the ELF Blogher party) goes live at 2 pm EST Tuesday July 14th at Snazl, as well as whatever other sites have chosen to host it. Let me know if you want to host on your blog or website too! We’ll be chatting about parenthood, filmmaking, make-up, trying to stay sane & inspired at the same time, and whatever. Anyone can watch, (no registration needed) but if you’d like to chat and possibly win one of 5 $25 ELF gift cards, sign up at www.snazL.com prior to the chat! 2 of these gift cards will be given to those lucky souls who host chats on their sites.

During the SnazL chat, we’ll do the host giveaways, followed shortly by chances to win 3 more $25 ELF gift cards. If you’re like me and want to hide how tired you are with make-up, or your kids are as devious evil curious as mine, then ELF cosmetics are for you, good quality stuff that’s inexpensive enough that when your son uses your eyeshadow as pixie dust or your lipgloss as cat paint, you will be able to laugh… a lot sooner than when the kid painted your entire wardrobe w/acrylic paint.

Recap: To host, grab the “Share” code from the above SnazL widget, post it on your site, and add your link below in the comments. To only watch, just show up here or at any of the sites listed below- To chat, register at SnazL and show up here, or at any of the below sites at 2 EST!

I hope to “see” you tomorrow TODAY at 2pm EST, and any help spreading the word via Twitter or Facebook  would be fanfuckingtastic, thanks in advance.

While we’re in the SnazL, (and before, if you’re there early!) please jump in and share some of your favorite songs and video by clicking the gray square+ icon “Add Media” button– keep it clean, this is a family show folks!

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The Kids Are Alright, But They Stil Hate The Secret

What is the reason that so many young adults are thumbing their nose in the general direction of the movie The Secret? Sure, we can blame some of it on the search for identity and the need to disassociate with all things in the mainstream, but my guess is that the kids are more advanced on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs than the intended audience of The Secret.

Not only are they more enlightened than most of the general populace – thanks to the shifts in thought of generations of leaders before them-, they are more aligned with who they truly are than older generations who have accepted atrophy in their lives. That’s not to say that this generation of young adults will always be operating higher up the scale all the time; most young adults are lacking the experience of having to provide basic human needs for themselves – Once they get out on their own, they may better understand the earnestness that many of the followers of The Secret apply to it’s basic premise, (thoughts become things) but I don’t think they will ever buy into it.

At any rate, many of the young adults I talk to just don’t get what the secret is offering, in fact, many of them are offended at the overt materialism and shallowness of the message. Blame it on Maslow, the secret doesn’t speak to people who are further up the hierarchy of need.


Thank Kandee G and Eva Gregory for tuning me into the fact that people gotta’ start somewhere, and if that somewhere is things, that’s OK. Kandee explained that if a person can believe that things are coming their way and then the things actually come, chances are, that person will gain confidence in the ability to bring what they want into their lives. She went on to say that once they gain the ability to draw stuff, usually, they gain the ability to see that the stuff isn’t “filling the gap” and they begin to reach for more intangible things, relationships, self respect, etc. Eva pointed out that The Secret is just the tip of the iceburg when it come to what the actual Law of Attraction is.

OK, so I get that, and I’ll accept that the movie has it’s place, and that for many people it’s an inspired beginning for them. I still think that The Secret is pretty yucky, it smacks of payoffs and self promotion and alot of words w/o much actual content. No matter it’s motive and lack of message, the shit could just be the fertilizer that many people need in order to start growing up the hierarchy of need to the destination of self actualization, but as far as my generation and younger are concerned, there has yet to be an inspirational movie made with a message that’s worth believing in.

This post was originally written April 28, 2008